Self-sabotaging: how to stop it

4 Jun

Last week, my best friends told me how her daughter doubts of herself most of the time. This is not something rare, nowadays. A lot of people, whatever the age, doubt of themselves. However, they succeed in their job, their studies or in their own life.

So what happens to our society? Why do we feel so unsecured in front of our inner power? Is it due to religions, capitalism, or our way of living? Whatever the answer may be, we all can change our way of seeing who we are, independently from the social diktats that drive us.

We all have the power to change an old way of thinking or living that’s not good enough, for a better one. This is the work of each second, each day, and each person. We have to think by ourselves and ask us the best questions.

So the level of thinking must be differentiated from the quantity of things we can buy and store in the closets. For example: why are we such big consumer and feel always unsatisfied, however? Do we have to waste so much money to buy things that are not useful, but are just transactional objects? So we have to explore our awareness: do I really want it or need it? What do I expect? But mostly: what am I running away from? What am I running after? In most cases, you’ll figure out that you just want to give others (or yourself) an image that is not the true one, but just a social one. Thinking about it will help you to break free from social diktats, and raise your self-esteem.

Self-sabotage may come from your childhood, or your past of young adult. Growing up by looking for an agreement from parents, teachers, or friends, and later from a boss, a husband, a wife, or the children, doesn’t help to get self-confidence. So one day or another, self-sabotage is coming over because you don’t get enough self-esteem to break free from others.

Moreover, each time you attach importance to these bad times and to these people who have hurt you, you make them live again and again. So cut them off. Break free. Everyone has to make experiences, but we all have the right to change what’s not good enough. Your life is not the one of others. People don’t possess a part of it, nor a right on you. You are free, so use your free will to disconnect from their toxic influence.

Working on your self-confidence begins at that stage. It is easier to stop your toxic thoughts, attitudes and behaviors then. I mean to stop self-sabotage. When you think of you as if you were your best friend, and when you’re careful and kind with yourself, the image of you changes for better. So let people think what they want about you. Don’t care about it. The way you consider yourself must be honest, true and seen as evolutionary. You’re not perfect, the others aren’t too. But if ever you decide to go on your path, you have to grow away from all these people who want to drive your life.

The work on yourself is here: treat yourself with respect and dignity. Require from others to do the same with you.

So after that soul-searching, you exactly know where you are standing. Then you’re able to check what’s good for you and what’s not anymore. You know who you are. Do a list of things and situations when you have been successful. Pin it up on a place where you can see it many times per a day. Think about the efforts you’ve done, the great power and the happiness felt for each success. So remember you’re that successful person. Be proud of yourself.

Praise yourself out loud may help! Each morning, in front of the mirror of the bathroom, as you remind your success, tell your image: “I did it! I’ve succeeded!” Then smile. Smiling is your reward. You don’t need more. You don’t need the congratulations of anyone, but the ones of your angels!

Love,

Jane

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